Building Better Friendships in 2025: Connection Takes Effort
Friendship in adulthood is a strange thing. It’s simultaneously one of the most important aspects of our well-being and one of the easiest things to neglect. Between work, relationships, family responsibilities, and, let’s be honest, the appeal of just staying home, maintaining strong friendships requires a level of intention we often don’t give it.
For years, I struggled to make and keep friendships. When I was depressed, I withdrew entirely, convinced my friends either hated me or were too busy to care. If no one reached out, it only reinforced that belief. And when I did feel like talking? Shame stopped me. I didn’t want to burden anyone.
As I came out of that period, some friendships naturally rekindled, but others faded entirely. Was it just too much time lost? Or maybe they actually did hate me. Either way, I found myself navigating the reality of adult friendships — some last, some don’t, and you have to be okay with both.
The Evolution of Friendship
The friendships I have now are completely different from those I had in my 20s. My closest friends today are people who share my passions—fitness, wellness, building something meaningful. We push each other, we train together, we travel for fitness challenges, and, crucially, we barely drink. It’s a friendship dynamic that feels healthier and more aligned with who I am now.
But even with new connections, there are challenges. I struggle to relate to friends whose lives revolve around marriage and kids. I rarely hear from my LGBTQIA+ friends in Sydney and Melbourne, though I know life just gets in the way. And the people from my school years? They were part of the reason I left Tasmania in the first place.
I used to waste so much energy worrying about past connections—why they didn’t like me, what they thought of me, whether I was doing enough to impress them. Now? I genuinely don’t have the time to dwell on it. My focus is on building a life filled with purpose and connection, and in doing so, I’ve let go of lingering resentment. That space has allowed new friendships to flourish, ones that align with who I am today.
The Six Forces That Fuel Friendship
Research shows that friendships thrive when they are built on six key forces: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace. Understanding these can help us create and maintain deeper connections.
Accumulation: Time matters. Studies suggest it takes 40-60 hours to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and up to 100 hours to develop a close friendship. The more time you spend together, the stronger the bond.
Attention: Friendships don’t just happen — they require awareness. Noticing who you click with, staying open to new connections, and being present in conversations all help deepen relationships.
Intention: Making and keeping friends takes effort. It means reaching out, following up, and sometimes embracing a little awkwardness to form lasting bonds.
Ritual: Consistency strengthens friendships. Whether it’s a weekly coffee, a monthly dinner, or a group workout, regular connection points make friendships easier to maintain.
Imagination: Friendship doesn’t have to be secondary to work, family, or romance. The strongest friendships are those that redefine traditional roles and create unique spaces for connection.
Grace: Friendships ebb and flow. Life gets in the way, people get busy, and sometimes, long gaps happen. The best friendships allow room for absence without resentment, welcoming reconnection when the time is right.
How to Build Stronger Friendships in 2025
So, what actually makes friendships last into adulthood? Effort. Frequency of contact is one of the biggest predictors of maintaining friendships, so scheduling time together — yes, even putting it in your calendar — matters more than waiting for spontaneity.
If you want better friendships in 2025, here’s where to start:
Be the one to reach out. If you’re waiting for someone else to make the first move, you might be waiting forever. Send the text. Make the plan. The people who matter will appreciate it.
Find your people through shared passions. The best friendships form when you have a common goal—fitness, a hobby, a cause. Join a club, a sports team, a community group. It’s easier to bond when you’re working toward something together.
Stop overthinking who’s still in your life. Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Focus on the ones that bring you energy, not the ones you feel obligated to maintain.
At the end of the day, friendship isn’t passive. It’s built through time, shared experiences, and a bit of effort. Whether it’s reconnecting with an old friend, deepening a new connection, or finally stepping outside your comfort zone to meet new people, the best friendships in life are the ones we actually show up for.
And if nothing else, just send the damn text.