Finding Confidence and Connection in a World That Won’t Slow Down

We live in a world that moves fast — one that often mistakes confidence for charisma, connection for convenience, and busyness for fulfillment. For many, especially within the LGBTQIA+ community, finding a sense of belonging while balancing energy and self-assurance can feel like an uphill battle. We’re told that confidence is innate, connection is as easy as a click, and socialising should always leave us feeling uplifted. But the reality is far more complicated. Confidence is learned, connection requires intention, and social energy is not an unlimited resource. Understanding these truths can help us create more fulfilling relationships, stronger communities, and a deeper sense of self.

The Myth of Effortless Confidence

Confidence is often presented as a personality trait — either you have it or you don’t. But real confidence isn’t about being fearless or outspoken at all times. It’s about self-trust. It’s about showing up even when you’re unsure. And for LGBTQIA+ individuals, confidence is often something that has to be built from the ground up, particularly if early experiences involved rejection or invisibility.

The good news? Confidence is like a muscle — it strengthens with use. The more you put yourself in situations that require self-assurance, the more it becomes second nature. That doesn’t mean throwing yourself into the deep end without preparation but taking small, consistent steps outside your comfort zone. In these moments — whether speaking up in a meeting, joining a new community, or simply holding your ground in a conversation — confidence begins to grow. The process is rarely glamorous, but it’s always worth it.

The Disappearance of Third Spaces—and Why It Matters

Where do you go when you just want to exist? Not work, not home — just somewhere to be. These places, known as ‘third spaces,’ used to be the heartbeat of communities. Coffee shops, bookstores, LGBTQIA+ bars, and community hubs provided gathering spots where people could connect without expectation. But over time, these spaces have dwindled due to rising costs, digital distractions, or a cultural shift prioritising hyper-efficiency over organic interaction.

For queer communities, third spaces have always been about more than just socialising. They’ve been about safety, identity, and finding others who understand. Without these spaces, loneliness grows, and connection becomes something we have to schedule rather than stumble into. Suppose we want to reclaim the joy of casual, meaningful connection. In that case, we need to reinvest in these spaces — whether by supporting queer-owned businesses, creating meetups, or even carving out new online spaces that prioritise depth over fleeting interactions.

Understanding Social Energy — and Protecting It

We talk a lot about the importance of putting yourself out there, but what happens when socialising leaves you drained instead of fulfilled? ‘Social hangovers’— the exhaustion that comes after too much interaction — are real and don’t just affect introverts. In a world where networking, engagement, and connection are often seen as obligations, it’s easy to forget that social energy is finite.

Recognising when to step back is crucial. Not every event requires attendance. Not every conversation needs to be maximised. Creating space for solitude isn’t antisocial — it’s essential. By balancing social engagement with quiet moments, we create more meaningful interactions when we connect. The goal isn’t to avoid people; it’s to show up in a way that feels intentional rather than obligatory.

Moving Forward with Intention

So how do we navigate a world that often moves too fast, demands too much, and rarely stops to ask what we actually need? By recognising that confidence is something we build, not something we’re born with. By fighting for spaces that encourage authentic, unstructured connection. By honouring our social energy rather than depleting it to meet expectations. These aren’t just abstract ideals — they’re tangible actions that can shape how we experience community and belonging.

The world isn’t going to slow down anytime soon. But we can carve out the spaces we need, protect the energy we have, and build the confidence that allows us to show up fully — on our own terms. And in doing so, we create something powerful: a life that truly belongs to us.