Let Go, Lean In: How Change, Curiosity, and Meaningful Rest Can Save Us
There’s a moment many of us know all too well: a creeping restlessness, a quiet sense that something’s not quite right — in our work, our relationships, our routines — but we can’t seem to break the loop. We resist. We hold tight. We stay stuck.
We tell ourselves it’s normal. That we’re being responsible. That change is too risky. And yet, the nagging voice within us won’t be silenced: What if this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?
The Beauty of Letting Go
In 1924, German professor Eugen Herrigel moved to Japan hoping to study Zen. Instead of a traditional philosophy course, he was told to study archery. What followed was five years of relentless practice, confusion, and frustration. But in learning the art of the bow, Herrigel also learned to let go.
His teacher explained that the perfect shot isn’t forced; it happens when the archer lets the bowstring slip through their fingers at exactly the right moment — effortless effort. The arrow flies truest when the ego steps aside.
Arthur C. Brooks recently wrote about this story as a metaphor for happiness: that resisting change and gripping tightly to outcomes only causes tension. Real peace comes from focusing on the process, being present, and surrendering the illusion of control. In other words — let go, lean in.
Why We Resist (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Science backs this up. Our brains are wired to resist change. It’s how we evolved to survive. Stability in social groups. Predictable routines. Less energy spent re-learning. But what protected us then can trap us now.
Change makes us feel uncertain. Our amygdala lights up. We start overthinking, catastrophising, or numbing out. Even when we’re unhappy, we might cling to what we know — a job that bores us, a city that drains us, a relationship that no longer fits.
But resisting change is strongly linked to neuroticism — and, unsurprisingly, to lower levels of happiness. The cost of clinging is quiet misery.
Reimagining Leisure as a Radical Act
Our culture glorifies productivity. Even in the LGBTQIA+ community, where many of us have had to fight to be seen, we often feel pressure to prove our worth through output. Rest? That feels like indulgence — or worse, laziness.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Philosopher Josef Pieper argued that leisure isn’t the opposite of work — it’s the foundation of culture. Real leisure isn’t just a break from the grind; it’s an intentional act of connection, reflection, and joy.
Arthur C. Brooks echoes this: if we treat our rest with the same seriousness we give our work, we unlock a different kind of growth — the kind that doesn’t chase external validation.
So what does this look like in real life?
Reading something meaningful, not just scrolling headlines
Walking through nature with no destination in mind
Sharing a meal with someone you love
Gardening, painting, meditating, praying
Deepening relationships, not just killing time
Curiosity Is the Bridge to Connection
In a recent panel on loneliness at the University of Pittsburgh, former NPR host David Greene and Katie Dealy (former Chief Engagement Officer to the U.S. Surgeon General) discussed how disconnection is at the heart of our social crisis — and how curiosity might be the cure.
People are lonelier than ever, but many are also scared to talk — afraid of saying the wrong thing, being judged, or hearing something that challenges their worldview.
But Greene said something profound: instead of meeting disagreement with defensiveness, what if we met it with curiosity? Instead of, "That’s wrong," we tried, "That’s interesting — where did you learn that?"
These small moments of curiosity open doors. They create the kind of serendipitous, genuine interactions we’re all craving. As Dealy put it, "We have fewer accidental conversations, so now we have to create them on purpose."
Why This Matters for Us
If you’re part of the queer community, these lessons hit differently.
We’ve survived through change, through resistance, through building connection when none was offered. But those same instincts can make us scared to let go. We fight for space — and sometimes forget we also deserve peace.
We’ve fought for visibility — and sometimes forget we’re allowed to rest.
We’ve built community in the margins — and sometimes forget we still need each other in the quiet moments, not just the loud ones.
So here’s the invitation:
Let go of what no longer fits — you don’t need to earn change.
Rest like your joy depends on it — because it does.
Lead with curiosity — it’s how we build bridges, not walls.
The Takeaway
You don’t need to master Zen archery, quit your job, or move to a monastery to find happiness. But you do need to give yourself permission:
✨ To grow, even if it’s uncomfortable.
✨ To rest, even if the world tells you not to.
✨ To connect, even if it means being vulnerable.
Happiness isn’t found in constant striving. It’s found in the moment when we loosen our grip, breathe deeply, and trust that we’re exactly where we need to be — bow in hand, heart open, ready to let the arrow fly.
Let go. Lean in. You don’t need to hold everything so tightly to be free.