The Paradox of Loneliness: Why We Need Real Connections, Not Just More Friends

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate. It can touch anyone, even those surrounded by friends, at the centre of every party, or constantly engaging on social media. This paradox mirrors my journey, taking me from a life full of social interactions to confronting a profound sense of isolation.

As a gay man living in Sydney, I once embraced a socialite persona — always out, always “on.” Yet, beneath the surface, I felt a disconnect, a longing for something deeper and more meaningful. It took years of self-reflection, a challenging road to sobriety, and eventually leaving that lifestyle behind to realise what I was truly missing: a genuine connection.

The Behaviors That Keep Us Lonely

Loneliness isn’t just about being alone — it’s a complex emotion shaped by behaviours we often don’t recognise. Looking back on my journey, I see how many of these patterns crept into my life, compounding my feelings of isolation even when people surrounded me.

Self-Isolation

Even with friends, I withdrew. When I started gaining weight from antidepressants, I felt self-conscious and began avoiding social situations. It was a defence mechanism to avoid the disappointment I feared in interactions, but it only deepened my loneliness.

Overcompensation on Social Media

When I moved away, I used social media obsessively, thinking it would keep me connected and ensure people didn’t forget me. The likes and comments provided fleeting validation but couldn’t replace genuine connection.

Masking True Feelings

To the outside world, I appeared cheerful and confident. Inside, I was struggling deeply, but I felt showing that sadness was a weakness. Wearing a mask felt safer than vulnerability, even though it kept others at arm’s length.

Misreading Social Cues

I often assumed neutral or even kind interactions were dismissive or hostile. I worried I was burdening people with my problems, so I withdrew further, unintentionally reinforcing my sense of isolation.

Being the “Life of the Party”

I overcompensated by becoming overly entertaining, always cracking jokes and being the loudest in the room. Looking back, I cringe — what I thought was charm was often just noise to distract from my loneliness.

Difficulty Asking for Help

Even now, I struggle with this. Whether it’s building Get Out or leaning on others during hard times, I find it hard to trust others and ask for help. Back then, the fear of burdening others made me feel like I had to face everything alone.

People-Pleasing

I desperately wanted to be liked, especially at school, where friendships didn’t come easily. I bent backward to fit in with the “cool” crowd, even when I knew they were laughing behind me. The need for approval often left me feeling more isolated.

Neglecting Self-Care

This was perhaps my biggest wake-up call. I didn’t realise how much I was neglecting myself until I started achieving things for me, away from the noise of trying to please everyone else. For so long, I’d put my own needs last, letting my physical and mental health suffer.

The Vision for Get Out

This is why I created Get Out: to challenge these behaviours and provide a space where people can reconnect — authentically. It’s about more than building friendships; it’s about fostering connections rooted in shared experiences and mutual understanding, especially for those who, like me, have felt lonely even in the midst of a crowd.

We focus on combating isolation through real-world connections and empowering people to let go of the need to “perform.” We’re not just creating a platform but building a movement to redefine what community means in a digital age.

My Personal Takeaway

Loneliness isn’t about how many friends you have — it’s about how seen and valued you feel. My journey taught me self-awareness, vulnerability, and authentic connections are the antidotes to loneliness. Through Get Out, I hope to help others find their way to the deep connections that have helped change my life. As we head into the festive season, I wish you all a safe a happy time with your loved ones. Look out for each other and reach out if you need support.