Are You Lonely Without Realising It?

As we enter 2025, it's worth asking a simple yet profound question: Are you truly connected, or are you just occupied? Modern life often tricks us into thinking we're engaged in meaningful connection when, in reality, we're spiralling deeper into isolation. The Atlantic's Derek Thompson calls this era The Anti-Social Century — and for good reason. Humans are spending more time alone than ever before, a trend that's reshaping our personalities, communities, and even our politics.

When Solitude Becomes Self-Sabotage

I've lived this shift. When I moved back to Tasmania, I convinced myself that my preference for solitude was a matter of principle. I told myself that most people let me down or didn't share my values, so why waste time on them? What I didn't realise was how much this withdrawal was changing me. The more I isolated myself, the more anxious and depressed I became. Social situations felt unbearable. I'd overcompensate with alcohol or substances just to manage the discomfort, which only led to regret and self-destruction.

I thought: If I make myself unlikable, maybe people won't invite me out anymore. Then, I wouldn't have to face the torment of trying so hard to belong.

This toxic cycle mirrors a broader trend. Thompson writes that loneliness and isolation are becoming normalised, even glamorised, in our society. Today's culture encourages us to prioritise convenience over connection and comfort over challenge. We spend more time at home, interacting through screens rather than face-to-face. This preference for solitude subtly rewires our personalities, making us less tolerant, patient, and, ironically, less happy.

The Cost of "Me Time"

In the USA, dining alone has risen by 29% in just two years, and solo TV time has replaced nearly all other leisure activities. Thompson explains, "Convenience can be a curse. Our habits are creating a 'century of solitude.'" Even our homes are being designed for isolation, with spaces optimised for screen time rather than social gatherings. These trends are not just reshaping our individual lives but eroding the middle ground of community — what Thompson calls "the village."

This erosion of middle-tier relationships — neighbours, colleagues, and community groups — undermines democracy, tolerance, and compromise. Instead, we're retreating into tribes that amplify our existing beliefs or cocooning ourselves in the safety of our own homes. It's a recipe for polarisation and, ultimately, loneliness.

The Danger of Loneliness in Disguise

The problem isn't just loneliness; it's our inability to recognise it. According to Thompson, we've become adept at ignoring the biological cues that should propel us toward connection. Instead, we mislabel our emotions: "I'm tired" or "I'm busy" becomes an excuse to avoid the very interactions that could make us happier.

Psychologist Nick Epley's research highlights this paradox. In one study, participants predicted they'd prefer a silent commute over chatting with a stranger. Yet those who engaged in conversation consistently reported greater happiness. Epley concludes: "Social interaction is not very uncertain. Say hello, and someone will say hello back. Yet, over and over, we reject opportunities to connect. It is a terrible mistake."

Social Media: Attention Alcohol

Social media compounds this issue. As Thompson's Social Media Is Attention Alcohol points out, platforms like Instagram and Twitter offer an intoxicating blend of short-term euphoria and long-term regret. They foster compulsive behaviour, exacerbate body image issues, and leave us feeling more disconnected than ever. Instagram's own research admits that 32% of teen girls say the app worsens their body image. The platforms are engineered to amplify our insecurities while keeping us scrolling.

Social media isn't all bad, but it requires moderation. Thompson argues we need to develop a shared vocabulary around its use, much like we've done with alcohol: "No apps this weekend," or "I need a break from scrolling." Without boundaries, social media becomes yet another force driving us further into isolation.

Choosing Connection in 2025

The good news? This downward spiral isn't inevitable. As Thompson writes, "New norms are possible; they're being created all the time." From banning phones in schools to the rise of board-game cafés, there's a growing push to reclaim real-world connection. But lasting change requires conscious effort.

At Get Out, we're building a community designed to make connection easier. We know how hard it can be to take that first step, especially when isolation has become your default. That's why we're focussing on building a community to create online and offline spaces where people can come as they are without judgment or pressure.

2025 is around the corner. Are you going to be part of the anti-social generation, or are you ready to make a change? Let's switch off the screens, step outside, and build something meaningful together. Let's get out there.