How to Spot Manipulation (and Stay Grounded) This Election Season

As we head toward another federal election, you might be feeling a familiar sense of dread. The headlines get harsher. The debates more toxic. And if you're queer, trans, or part of any marginalised community, it can start to feel like your very existence is back up for discussion.

We see it every cycle — the moral panic headlines, the dog-whistle policies, and the politicians who seem to weaponise outrage for airtime. But what’s harder to spot is how these tactics creep into our psyche. One term you might not know yet — but should — is DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

It’s a manipulation technique named by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, often used by people when confronted with their own harmful behaviour. Instead of owning it, they deny everything, go on the offensive, and twist the narrative to become the victim — while painting you as the aggressor. Sound familiar? It should. You’ll see DARVO everywhere this election season — in media interviews, online arguments, and even in the comment sections of your own posts.

Arthur C. Brooks recently wrote about DARVO in The Atlantic, calling it “a signature move of gaslighting sociopaths.” But the kicker? If you’re emotionally healthy, empathetic, and introspective, you’re more vulnerable to DARVO — because you’re more likely to question yourself and less likely to see cruelty coming.

So, what do we do?

Emotional Self-Defence in the Age of DARVO

The antidote isn’t cynicism — it’s clarity. Recognising DARVO when it happens can protect your self-esteem, your sense of reality, and your energy. If you find yourself in a situation where someone denies harm, attacks your character, and then claims victimhood, pause. Breathe. You’re not crazy — you’re likely being DARVO’d.

Use this moment not to explain yourself harder, but to disengage. You won’t logic someone out of DARVO; their goal isn’t resolution, it’s dominance.

As Brooks puts it: “Being DARVO’d is a bewildering and unsettling experience. But once you understand how the technique works, you’ll never have to be its victim again.”

Political DARVO and the Queer Community

This isn’t just interpersonal — it’s political. During elections, entire communities are DARVO’d. Politicians deny the harm of their policies, attack marginalized people for “playing the victim,” and flip the narrative so they appear under threat by those simply asking for equality.

It’s exhausting. And it’s designed to wear us down.

A recent survey out of the UK showed that 85% of LGBTQIA+ professionals had faced career barriers due to their identity — many reporting they felt pressure to “be less gay” at work to be taken seriously. When you’re always adjusting, defending, shrinking — that’s not just tiring, it’s traumatic.

Which is why we need more than awareness — we need tools.

Stay on the F#cking Bus: Building Resilience Through Consistency

Tim Duggan’s OUTLET newsletter recently featured a reminder from photographer Arno Rafael Minkkinen about the “Helsinki Bus Station Theory.” The idea? If you keep hopping off the metaphorical bus every time your work is criticised, you’ll never get to where you're meant to go. True progress takes time — and the courage to keep going through the dip.

When election noise gets loud, when you feel overwhelmed or tempted to check out — stay on the bus. Stay in your community. Stay in your power.

You don’t have to post every day or call every MP, but you do have to protect your energy and hold your ground. That’s what resilience looks like.

What You Can Do Right Now

• Learn to spot DARVO — in personal life, politics, or media.

• Protect your peace — you don’t have to engage every time. Curate your feed. Log off when needed.

• Check in with your queer friends — especially those in rural areas or less visible communities.

• Reconnect with purpose — through volunteering, creative projects, or community events that remind you why you care in the first place.

• Vote, speak up, and organise — but from a place of grounding, not panic.

Because in the face of gaslighting, the most radical thing you can do is stay clear. Stay connected. Stay loud — or quiet, when that’s what you need. But above all, stay you.